Cig

I watch the cigarette smoke enter his lungs
wonder
if we will laugh ourselves to death or if the nicotine will take him
or if I’ll die young
not invincible
fuck healthy habits
some times there just too much discipline
my bones
feel the lightest when my body shakes in this laughter
when bad moments are laced with good jokes
there are always so many fucking good jokes
and we can laugh through the fog
and the smoke
and every reason why we shouldn’t
we speak it aloud as curse
then laugh it aloud as witches can’t be serious
I am learning
to hop off of this broom
step off of pedestal
of the knowing
how we will burn ourselves down
I am trying to not cast up love spells
but sometimes seduction is so seducing
and I fall victim to her like prey
become the predator
trap him in his own bed sheets
and still wonder how we got here
and we lay down empty bets
of who will hurt who first
this is nothing but the past filled curse
but we speak it like religion
like there is only one way out of here
and the path isn’t pretty
but it’s pretty trodden
so it makes it easy
to keep on trotting
when we pretend we don’t know man-made when we see it
or path laid by our own hands so we don’t have to believe it
that we are always choosing
concrete over brush
which gives this flame less to burn
but it is so much easier to end it without fire
and I wonder when our path will turn
and we will end up in the forest
staring at the changing seasons
while he reads to me
how the story continues
adds blank pages to my name
and I learn to add blank pages to his name
and we lay here
feet hanging out of vans among falling leaves
extinguisher in hands
for the burning trees
we always have extinguishers in hands
in the case of burning trees
but this is only past filled curses
preparation for what the worst is
we are always
just preparing
for what the worst is.