following

our friends are all following our friends
“suggested for you,” means
this is all tit for tat
especially if you’re into that kinda thing
the invites are always coming in
it’s not our fault if you’re not there to see them
not our business if it’s for your mental health
see how your attempt at control
is really just admitting you have none
so you delete
and reload
and delete
and reload
and wonder if it can ever be permanent
but it never is
because the invites are still coming
because no one picks up their phones these days
you notice
you’re the only one sending text message check-ins
and “can you hangouts?,”
if you stop
things get quiet
and no one with anxiety knows how to do quiet
which is why this poem keeps typing itself
there’s no metaphor about trying to fill the silence
no metaphor in trying to delete forever
it’s not like I don’t want you
it’s that I want you to want me back more
like more than
maybe
like more than interested
like more than, “attending,”
meaning
you won’t show up
and it was just a simple button click away
and that’s what we expect these days
like what is an RSVP other than
nothing?
other than
Really
Shitty
Validation
Proof
but without the evidence
other than
the quickest way to say,
“I’ll be there,”
meaning,
“Don’t call me out when I’m not.”
so we don’t
and watch
how quickly your 2,000 friends turns to 5
when you’re done updating
and slowdown your timeline
and this isn’t some prissy stuck-up better than shit
I mean it
it’s not that I don’t want you
it’s that I want you to notice when I’m gone
but like really
like I want you to not just notice but to do something about it
I want to know there’s a life outside of
putting it on Facebook
or Instagram
or whatever other new thing there is that will also
one day eventually become old
like we will one day eventually become old
and maybe have real stories to tell
and not just the same old shit to scroll.