Gorgeous Suffocation

I will write of you.
I will write to you.
It won’t always be beautiful.
I’m not full of love stories
you’ll find yourself deep in
my mind.
You didn’t ask to visit.

You will be held there.
Time will be spent there.

I will drench you in
love I’ve never felt.
Pain will cut me
and I’ll beg for your touch.
But
don’t make me beg for your
touch.

You’ll have all of me on
days I can’t seem to find
myself.
I’ll be lost in you.
Finding you on pages
as I seek.

I’ll come up for air
when immersion is suffocating.
You’ll miss me in those
moments
and be reminded of those days
I wanted air
more than you.
But air
was never enough.

I cannot be convinced that
chance led me to
a gorgeous suffocation.

I’ll die like this.

Yet
you won’t let me go.

And I’m not sure
who loves who more.
Maybe we owe our time
to confusion
curiosity.

We dive into each other
when this world proves
to be shallow.
With you
I heal snapped wrists
and shattered spines.

Memories of nights
when my refusal was
their exit.
How I didn’t set-out to
punish them
but
to love them.
So I punish me instead.

And you’ll never understand
how any slammed the
door in my face.
You can’t take your
eyes off of my soul.
You refuse to understand.

I’ve waited for you
with no faith
in your existence.
And so I write of you
instead.
I write to you instead.
But these words
have no home to be sent
to.