Love Poems II
Remember when you told yourself you’d write yourself love poems?
Can you write them now,
when rising looks less like before the sun
and more like after 10 am
a body
weening itself off of Nyquil
a mind
no longer knowing if it’s the remnants of a fever
or laziness
can you love yourself either way?
Love yourself 11 am full of nothing done
full of banana pancakes
count how
this is day three of pancakes
grab a banana that is not your own
write a mental IOU
can you love you empty fridge
love I’ll fill it tomorrow.
Love yourself then
nothing to do
see it as loving someone unconditionally
even if that someone is you.
Especially
if that someone is you.
Remember when you said you’d write yourself love poems?
Can you write them eight days into a new year
even when all of this shit already feels old.
As you watch yourself break last year’s promises
made this year’s promises
as you try to pick yourself pretty in a mirror
covered with a pillowcase that just isn’t big enough.
You find yourself among it’s edges
pull it aside
forget
who brought it there in the first place
it was you
committed
this is still you
but absent
can you love yourself numb?
Love yourself scarred
love yourself mental disorder?
Love your anxiety?
Remember when you said you’d write yourself love poems?
Then turned love poems
to contemplation
maybe next time you’ll ask yourself twice
before turning self to
body behind pillowcase
imperfection beyond its edges
maybe love poems are allowed
to be questions
allowed to have you ask yourself twice
if you can love every bit of imperfect that looks back at you
or that isn’t allowed to meet your gaze
on the good days
where pillowcase stays put
untouched by your hand
and you stay put
untouched by your hand
loving yourself
in this stillness.
So write yourself love poems
on the days you feel the least deserving
of this pen
sit in it’s ink
bathe in the light of this screen
practice this poetry as prayer
and memorize love lines
practice them in the mirror
uncovered
naked
scarred and torn.
Love yourself then.