Depression says

depression says
stay home
says they don’t want you there anyway
says who wants you there anyway
says listen to the voice inside
that says you don’t want to go

calls you selfish
says it’s not always about you
says if you cared less about you
you’d be less depressed
says get out
says show up
says put you aside

I stay home
think about what being there could have felt like
I stay home and want to rewind
want to get there on time
I imagine the table
hear the music
and I laugh

depression says
you don’t find things funny these days
says suicide has always been a bad joke
and you never make it to the punchline
ideation is just another thing you never finish on time.

says be quiet
says open up
says hold back
says who cries at the gym
when nothing is wrong but you
so be less you

says learn to be grateful
says learn to be happy
says you should be happy

asks
have you ever been happy?
says happy is always fleeting
and you are never fast enough.

I stay home
choose alone most every time
then beat my alone up
want to make it black and blue
but depression
says you don’t deserve color.