Elated

So here we are,
Despite everything we’ve just stated.
My hand, in your hand,
It’s like we’ve chosen to stay in.

I look in your eyes,
Your expression is faded.
But I tighten my grip,
For that moment when I was elated.

I thought I found you,
But my mind wanders all space.
Where it’s dark and it’s black,
I imagine someone else in your place.

He adores me,
I fill him.
He wants me,
I let him.

Excuse my wandering mind,
These topics are racing.
I think of you,
I imagine him,
Now I’m just spacing.

What I’m trying to say is,
I’m not sure it’s best that we waited.
I don’t trust your touch,
I’m just so fucking jaded.

So why did we part,
While staying together.
We’ve been falling apart,
And there’s nothing to weather.

It’s just this shit in our heads,
That’s keeping us glued.
Can’t deny that man that I met,
But it seems my perception was skewed.

They ask what am I doing.
It’s not not like that same thought hasn’t crossed my mind.
I don’t know half the time,
I’m just scared of leaving a fantasy behind.

Can’t even say that I’m hopeful.
That flew out the door.
Hearing your words,
Rise from your mouth,
Then smash to the floor.

And I’m fucking typing these words,
Still afraid to let go.
I don’t want to face the pain,
That familiar pain, that I know.

I can thank you for my growth,
I think it was worth the cost.
I can thank you for happiness,
I think I just have to grieve for what was lost.

And thank you for these words,
My minds been spinning all this art.
Just not sure it was worth the debt.
Those tears, and a broken heart.