healing

I wonder which poem
healed me first?
Like,
my body grew a few years
after I wrote about how frail it was.
I am 10 pounds heavier than when I wrote it.
I can’t perform it
without thinking how I’ve physically outgrown it
how what once was too skinny
now out chin-ups the boys
I want to write so many poems
and win a strength contest against all of them.
I want to be 10 pounds heavier than
every heart break
I want to read every poem
and say it’s not my place
say I’ve out-healed it too much
for it be genuine
want my poems to make a liar out of me
unless it’s one of the good ones
like
I only want to write good ones
that even when I feel like I’m lying
I wish
I was performing the truth.