Period.

At 18 I was prodded for an ultra sound
Warned the technician
Be gentle
Nothing had entered me of that size
See I was virgin
This was the closest to sex I had come
Held my breath as they told me relax
Wondered where I had to go to find relaxation
on the screen
I saw lines and not ovaries
Thought it witchcraft
Prognosis
Abnormal lining
Prescription
Biopsy.

When they told me biopsy I thought
Further research
Didn’t know this meant
Cutting a piece of the most intimate piece of me out
When I showed up to his office he pushed it aside
Deemed it unnecessary
Not at my age
Didn’t want to put me through the pain
Prescribed 21 days of hormones, 7 of sugar case I break the habit
Called it solution.
I called myself grateful and left
Found something seductive in taking birth control though I wasn’t having sex.

But this was body treated like
like Barbie,
moving down the production belt
broken plastic limb
we wrapped it in plastic bandage
ignored the excess blood keeping her awake
Never asked what had happened to her bones
instead only wanted to make Barbie quiet
even she didn’t know she had so much to say
as she swallowed silent pills
for 21 days
coated the rest in sugar

made body bearable
body manageable
body
hushed.

But then she chose to let herself bleed unpredictable
decided blood
was worth more than
stained sheets
thought maybe this was the hand She was given
took it for its eight days
and kept on living.

But body is a mysterious thing.

Eight days turned 15
fresh blood
turned stale and brown
maybe this was body trying to rid itself of past
but couldn’t clean up the damage.

desperate for anything

Barbie was placed back on the belt
they inserted plastic
begged for silence
but it only got louder
15 days turned 20
they claimed it normal
asked that she wait it out
prescribed pills to silence the plastic
more to silence the pain
but she gave it a microphone
told it this time I’d be the one to listen
20 days turned 31
and she screamed
no more.

And I remember
how when the doctor left
I checked her garbage
no longer trusted anyone
had to make sure it was really out of me.
Then I came back naked
empty of pills
empty of plastic
full of old blood
still full of questions
“We just can’t find anything wrong,”
minus the obvious
it was kind of a joke
followed by a punch line of no solutions.

So I write this bleeding
for the woman who is silenced in production
who doesn’t know the questions she should ask
or the questions they should ask
to keep her alive
when her body
is screaming
and they keep yelling back to keep quiet
I tell that woman
to tell them
to shut the fuck up
to shove their Western solutions up their ass
to throw back every pill they try to shove down her throat
to stick plastic T’s up their penises
and call their pain normal
ask them to be patient
ignore their bloody bandages
and tell them how
“jeez
we just can’t seem to find anything wrong.”