the doctors

look
the doctors can rip you open
create 4 peep holes
and still
remove nothing of substance
the pain
may only be multiplied
and you
have to convince yourself everyday
that it was all
with good reason
because the other option
is still
no solution
it is only
to fight yourself harder
and say
how you should have known better
when know no else does
there are some diseases
that remain mysterious
even when extracted
and tested
and verified
but still
your body remains
and maybe this is the best case scenario
that your body at the very least
remains
and it may still ask for the pain
to be killed
for heat to bring temporary relief
don’t allow yourself to go down the path
of all for not
this is a new path you carve now
one of grace
of compassion and kindness
for your desire of knowing and freedom
from bed ridden pain
and even if you

are still strapped to that mattress
it doesn’t make you wrong
for desperately tearing at

that which binds you
how brave
to say yes
even if the outcome is still
a body saying no
how brave
to take a chance for reprieve
how you are still
moving forward
even in 6 weeks rest
look
how you have learned to rest
and kept your sanity
how you have learned to move
though gently
and keep these pieces of you
intact.